Pico.swf

I'm a Newgrounds maniac.

I can't help it. I've been playing these flash games for as long as I can remember. I downloaded all sorts of Newgrounds .swfs, everything from classic Newgrounds Rumble to Newgrounds: Rushdown Rivals. I've got complete .swfs of forty games and movies for every series of Newgrounds, plus two Tank Awards that I ordered off of eBay for $9999.98 each. My basement is occupied with tables and shelves adorned with figurines and stickers sets to the point where it's impossible to walk around without bumping into something. I became a Newgrounds supporter back in 2004 and, after that, I pretty much just spent my money on that, since I’m unemployed and have nothing better to do with my life . I've still got every Newgrounds T-shirt from the 90s and 2000s even though none of them fit me now, including one AWESOME Alien Hominid shirt that I got for only $5.99. My wallet is so thin since crack is cheaper, but I'm always the first to check to see if the FNF Dev team has released the .flas of the new Friday Night Funkin’ update. Some may say that, at the ripe age of 32, my life is a wreck... but that's the life of a Newgrounds Maniac.

But let's talk about the Newgrounds iconic videogames. When Pico’s School first came out in 1999, my mind was blown. It was totally awesome, dude (and it was the 90s, which meant you could say "totally awesome, dude" in public without people staring at you)! Ever since then, I've played every single Newgrounds game, plus any rereleases. This even includes titles like the Pico Sim Date trilogy, which are total garbage but I still play them anyway because they're Newgrounds games. And, even though Newgrounds' latest title Newgrounds Rumble 2 is just an alternate version of Newgrounds Rumble without any of the novelty or fun of the first game that they've released years before this garbage, I still love it because I'm that much of a Newgrounds Maniac. But, sadly, there is one Newgrounds game that I thought that I would never be able to enjoy again... Pico 2.

That is, until one fateful day this past winter. I was playing Newgrounds Rumble 2 on the PC, checking out a cool cheat code that unlocks Deimos and wondering why he simply wasn't available from the start because clearly everyone would want to play as him so it is a mystery why you can't play as him unless you know a cheat code. It was about 1:53 in the afternoon when I heard my grandmother screaming at me, "FELIPE! THE MAILMAN ARRIVED TWO HOURS AGO! STOP PLAYING THAT GAME AND MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, YOUNG MAN!"

"Fine, Grandma!" I yelled back at her. Annoyed, I paused the game and went outside to collect the mail.

As I brought it inside the house and put it down on the kitchen table, I was expecting to find another unemployment check. Instead, much to my surprise, I found a CD case and a note. Even though it was written very messily as though its writer was in a hurry, I immediately recognized the handwriting on the note as belonging to my old friend and former fellow Newgrounds maniac, Elis.

Felipe,

I've had enough of this. I can't handle it anymore. It's too much for me. I had to get rid of this somehow, but instead of destroying it myself or just selling it on eBay, I thought giving it to you was a much better option. Please don't make me regret this decision by doing something stupid that would end up being written about in some lame overly-clichéd creepypasta.

Please, Felipe, you have to destroy this disc because I cannot for some poorly-explained reasons. It's the only way. Do NOT play it. Please, for the love of all that is holy, whatever you do, do NOT play it. I trust you as a friend, Felipe. Please don't make me feel that my trust has been misplaced by going against what I am telling you.

Do NOT play it. Do NOT even think about playing it. Do NOT even think about not playing it. You cannot let yourself be tempted, even though it is the only fully-functional .swf of Pico 2 that still wor-

Oh, wow! A fully-functional .swf of Pico 2 that still works! Everything else didn't matter as soon as I read those words. Finally, I was about to play Pico 2 again! It was a Newgrounds maniac's dream come true!

With that, I tossed aside the note and looked at the CD. It was blank and plain on appearance, though the words "Pico.swf" were scrawled on it with permanent black marker. I immediately recalled that Pico was the name of the Newgrounds mascot until 2006, and that only reminded me of how excited I was to play this game.

I rushed back to my computer and immediately exited out of Newgrounds Rumble 2, and in my haste I even forgot to save. Not that it mattered, anyway. I closed Newgrounds Rumble 2 and threw in the CD for "Pico.swf" so quickly that I nearly shattered it to pieces in my excitement.

This opened the .swf for Pico 2, and it started downloading some new files before saying it was ready to play. I launched the game, and it brought me to the main menu. Everything was just as I remembered it. The music by FDA... the funny little animations of Darnell and Nene in the background... and, of course, Pico himself, standing cheerily next to the “Start!” button to welcome me back to this chaotic and yet friendly universe.

I typed in my Negrounds.com username and password (the game requires it so my medals can be saved) and clicked the blue arrow to continue. The "Loading" message popped up... and then, for approximately 0.51 seconds, the game flashed something very different. Something that I'm somehow able to remember perfectly in the instant it appeared.

The Newgrounds logo no longer looked polished but now rusted. The white, shiny stars had vanished, and the dark sky had turned red. The planet Earth that was below the characters turned gray and looked like it had been destroyed, looking more like a barren wasteland. Darnell and Nene looked now depressed rather than happy and there were what appeared to be two pairs of penilian eyes staring with malicious intent and them. Down on the bottom of the screen, where it normally says "Copyright 2002, Newgrounds", the year was replaced with 666. And there was BLOOD. Hyper-realistic BLOOD. BLOOD on the logo, BLOOD on the sky, BLOOD on Darnell and Nene, BLOOD on the Earth, BLOOD dripping from the Penilian eyes, BLOOD on the BLOOD... BLOOD!

But worst of all was Pico. He looked fairly normal, staring at me with a perpetual grin, but there was something horribly wrong about his normally-comforting grin... and there was BLOOD dripping from his empty black eyes.

But, as I said, this only approximately 0.51 seconds, so it didn't bother me. I just thought I imagined it. My therapist often tells me that I imagine things. He just doesn't understand... that my imagination is an ENDLESS HANDBAG…

After that, it stayed on the "Loading" screen for about 10.3 seconds before moving on to the character select screen. To my surprise, none of the four characters displayed were characters playable in Pico 2 (or maybe I just don’t remember it). Instead, they were NPCs from the game... but not just any NPCs. They were Darnell, Nene, Otis, and to my surprise Cassandra! Now, I was sure that something was wacky, I mean, why in a game called PICO 2, you’re able to play as Darnell, Nene, Otis and even Cassandra, but not PICO himself? But anyways, I just ignored it, maybe you unlock Pico with a cheat code, much like Deimos in Newgrounds Rumble 2.

In my excitement, I did not notice right away a few things that seemed wrong. In the background, there are normally a bunch of blue skyscrapers. Here, they were red-tinted instead and appeared to be destroyed. There was probably some BLOOD, too. The background music sounded like it was 50% slower and in reverse for some reason, and I could swear that some parts of the reversed song almost sounded like the ticking of a clock, but I was sure that this wasn't symbolic of anything. It sounded like something out of a crappy- I mean… CREEPYpasta!

I wasn't worried. So what if there were a few graphical and AUDITORy glitches? (get it? Auditor, Madness Combat? ; )) I was going to play Pico 2 again, and I was going to play as Darnell and the other characters! (Except Pico, but I never liked him anyways) Without hesitation, I selected Darnell and pressed the blue arrow to continue... or rather, I would have pressed the blue arrow, but for some reason it was red. And when I clicked it, I could have sworn that I heard high-pitched laughter in the background, sounding almost like an echoing version of Pico's rapping.

The screen went black for a loose estimate of 9.896 seconds. Then, the loading screen popped up and said that my destination was the School. Now this was the first time I thought something was odd. Was Darnell’s savefile really only on the tutorial level of the game? I also noticed that the School artwork depicted the location looking even more wrecked than I remembered it. I just assumed that this was one of those new files that it downloaded; probably some cool hyper-realistic graphics update that was never released thanks to Pico 2's cancellation.

When Darnell spawned on the School, the first thing I noticed was that the School interior was also considerably more wrecked than I remembered it, with entire pieces of the hallway chewed up into pieces. The nearby lockers were cracked open, but the kids outside remained lifeless. At first, P-Bot was nowhere to be seen, but then I found his body smashed into pieces in a pool of BLOOD. There were more suspicious pools of BLOOD coating the entire location. I wasn't sure what the music was, but like before, it sounded like it was played in reverse at 50% speed and for some reason, it looked like a Ace Attorney music. Was this Danganronpa or something?!

I made my way to the Teacher’s Lounge, where Pico was waiting for me. Like before, his face was locked in a perpetual grin with BLOOD dripping from his eyes. He popped one arm out of its socket to wave it at me, which I remembered being a cute little animation in the vein of Pico’s School. But now, when Pico popped his arm out, a fountain of BLOOD erupted from his open socket in a manner reminiscent of the Black Knight from Monty Python. Does anyone else remember that movie?

The game indicated that Pico had a quest for me. I interacted with him to accept the quest. His dialogue was simply, "HEY KID. DO YOU WANT TO USE YOUR ENDLESS HANDBAG KNOW AS YOUR IMAGINATION?" I didn't remember this dialogue from the game, but I shrugged it off. Why should I be afraid? It was only a videogame. My cousins Tom and the protagonist from Blood Whistle told me that I should act as stupid as possible, so… whynaut?

The quest was to collect six weed packs from around the nearby lockers, just like I remembered it. Despite the horribly wrecked status of the school, the lockers were still functional, and I was able to grab five of the weeds with ease.

However, upon grabbing the sixth weed, Pico’s face started flashing on the screen. The game started lagging horribly as the framerate took a nosedive. This caused me to miss a jump and Darnell promptly fell into the depths of Hell, where Convict proceeded to steal all the weed and get high with Darnell so much until Darnell died of wed overdose. Don’t do drugs, kids. Also Convict eyes were just like Pico’s, his eyes were pitch-black and were bleeding.

I was seething. "That's cheap!" I yelled at the computer. "I died because of weed overdose!"

The "Fuck!" screen appeared, but it was different. Instead of Pico, it depicted Darnell, with gratuitous amounts of BLOOD pouring out of his mutilated body. The word "Fuck!" was replaced with "Dead!"

But worst of all, the "Continue" option alongside the other options was not available. This especially irritated me because I thought that the game was glitched and I would have to restart in order to close the screen, which I already had to do enough times in beta testing and wasn't particularly eager to relive those memories.

Fortunately, after about 7.4259 seconds, the screen cut to black with Pico’s rapping echoing in the background. Then, approximately 10.2651 seconds later, the game returned to the character select screen.

Darnell’s sprites were desaturated of color. He no longer had his usual cocky expression but now looked depressed and he was now using a black and gray shirt instead of his iconic purple and yellow one. He became GOTHIC!!!!! There was BLOOD dripping from his eyes, just like Pico. But most importantly, he could not be selected as a player character. I tried for several minutes or maaaaaybe a millisecond but failed.

So, I decided to try another character: Nene. Again, as I clicked the red arrow to continue, Pico’s rapping was heard as the screen cut to black for a rough estimate of 9.953726 seconds. When the loading screen popped up, this time my destination was the Japanese Garden. That reminds me, Samurai Asshole 2 was like the BEST game of all time, but who tf cares amirite?

Nene spawned near the wrecked garden. Dark and sinister music was playing, once again in reverse and played at 50% speed and it reminded me of the Japanese Garden music from Newgrounds Rumble. The Japanese Garden was not as I remembered it. The trees were bare and dead, and the grass was burned away to reveal scorched earth beneath. There were no buildings, and the ground was littered with skeletons wearing pink and white dresses lying in pools of BLOOD.

I went to find Cassette Girl, expecting that she would give me a quest to find Girlfriend. Instead, Cassette Girl was covered in bandages. Or rather, more bandages than usual. She was wrapped in bandages from head to toe like Hank. The bandages also looked like they were stained with BLOOD.

Cassette Girl did not offer a quest, but a dialogue bubble appeared over her head saying, "Mmph! Mmph mmph mmph!" (which translated to “STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT'S FUCKING MEMES! I was in a server, right? and ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just among us stuff. I-I showed my champion underwear to my girlfriend and t-the logo I flipped it and I said "hey babe, when the underwear is sus HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING" I fucking looked at a trashcan and said "THAT'S A BIT SUSSY" I looked at my penis I think of an astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PENSUS" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGESFG”) I guess being covered with bandages like Hank would do that to you.

I ran to Samurai’s house, expecting to find Girlfriend. Instead, I found Pico again, grinning with BLOOD dripping out of his eyes as was now becoming the norm. He had a quest, accompanied by the dialogue, "CALLING FOR HELP FROM SAMURAI? HE WON'T HELP YOU. WHAT A... PARADOX, ISN'T IT?" This made no sense, so I just ignored it because I come from a family of stupid creepypasta protagonists that don’t bother to turn off the fucking game like a normal human being.

The quest was to build a Temple to resurrect Samurai Asshole. I found one of the quick builds fairly quickly and assembled it. The Temple made an unusual sound that sounded like an 8-bit version of Pico's rapping. Moments later, I heard the familiar sound of Samurai Asshole’s katana zooming overhead. However, instead of aiming for the nearby Überkids and Demons, Samurai Assshole cutted Nene instead! She screamed as she was consumed in the BLOOD, and when she died, there was nothing but a pool of BLOOD where she once stood. Pico's face flashed on-screen for nearly 0.31415926 seconds when this happened.

"Oh, come on!" I grumbled. "Do you really expect me to buy that?"

The "Fuck!" screen appeared, looking just as it did before with "Dead!" text and lots of BLOOD. However, this time, it was Nene depicted in the pop-up instead of Darnell. Just as before, there was no option to "Continue", and I had to wait roughly 6.73859372 seconds before the screen cut to black with Pico’s rapping echoing in the background.

About 10.29485715 seconds later, I was back at the character select screen. Like Darnell, Nene’s sprites was desaturated, depressed, she was wearing a black and gray dress instead of her iconic pink and white one and she was crying BLOOD. She wasn't playable anymore, either, so I moved on to the next character: Otis.

I clicked on the red arrow to continue, Pico rapped, and the screen cut to black for nearly 10.04867397 seconds. The loading screen indicated that I was going back to the School. This time, Otis spawned in the female bathroom. The background music sounded like it might have been calm and relaxing if it was played normally, but instead sounded ominous and foreboding due to being slowed down and played in reverse like the other songs. Most of the kids were dismembered and lying in pools of BLOOD, which caked the ground and walls of the bathroom. Fuckin idiot couldn’t even go to the right bathroom.

Deciding that I didn't want to remain in the female bathroom, I made my way for the door to the Teacher’s Lounge. However, the door required a key to open it indicated that I needed Hanzou’s night vision goggles in order to open it. Seeing as Hanzou was lying decapitated in a pool of BLOOD and that his goggles were broken and probably don’t function anymore, I guessed that I was stuck in the female bathroom for now. If it weren’t for this fuckin idiot, that probably wouldn’t have happened.

Turning around, I noticed that Pico, BLOOD and all, was standing in Alucard’s place. Once again, he had a quest for me. I was getting rather tired of this pattern, but since I had nothing better to do, I grudgingly accepted. His quest dialogue was simply, "YOU CANNOT ROULETTE FOREVER, YOU KNOW."

The quest was to survive 666 rounds in the Rock-Paper-Scissors Roulette challenge. This sounded like no real challenge to me, who previously held the Newgrounds record for surviving 783525 rounds with nothing more than a few boxes of Newgrounds pizza, a carton of chocolate milk with Pico stickers in it, and an adult diaper.

I started the Roulette challenge, and Otis spawned in the chair. However, upon initiation, Pico's face flashed on-screen for about 0.93786935938 seconds, and then suddenly Otis was instantly overwhelmed by an impossibly-huge überkid that killed him with the gun that was on the table in the blink of an eye. The überkid also had black eyes with BLOOD dripping from them, just like Pico. Game Theory, explain this plz!1!!1!!!!!1!1

"Hey, no fair!" I screamed and punched at the computer screen. "That's clearly hacking!"

The altered "Fuck!" screen popped up again, this time starring Otis, and was really starting to lose its novelty and become more of an annoyance than anything. The screen cut to black with Pico’s rap echoing in the background, which was seriously starting to grate on my nerves. I mean he was literally t-bagging on me at this point > : (

"FELIPE!" I heard my grandmother yell from the other room. "TAKE A BREAK FROM THAT GAME, YOU HAVE CLASS TOMORROW!"

"OH, COME ON, GRANDMA!" I shouted back. "I'M 32 YEARS OLD! I DON'T NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL!”

"YOUNG MAN," she scolded, "SO LONG AS YOU KEPT REPEATING, YOU STILL NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL, AND TOMORROW HAVE CLASSES!"

Knowing it wasn't worth arguing since I always lose arguments against my grandmother anyways, I grumbled to myself. I shut down Pico.swf, got up from my computer, walked two feet to the couch, and lay down upon it.

I stood in the void. Freezing cold and pitch-black. At first, there was deafening silence, but then I heard voices crying out in terror. I turned and was startled to see Darnell, Nene, and Otis standing before me. They were all drained of color, save for the bright red BLOOD gushing from their empty black eyes. They reached out for me, wailing in pain and agony. I was powerless to help them.

And then, I heard an all-too-familiar rap. I turned around slowly to see Pico. He grinned sadistically, his empty eyes boring into my soul as hyper-realistic BLOOD streamed down his face. He spoke with a voice that sounded like the grinding of bone: "DON'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH FUN IT IS TO USE YOUR ENDLESS HANDBAG KNOW AS YOUR IMAGINATION?"

I was too terrified to reply. I couldn't even run.

"YES, FELIPE... YOU ARE AT MY MERCY NOW. IT WON'T BE LONG NOW BEFORE... WAIT, WHAT?"

I noticed that Pico was confused about something, so I turned around and, much to my surprise, saw Tom Fulp and PhantomArcade. Fulp raised his hands in a defensive manner. "Don't mind us," he insisted. "We're not really here. I promise we're not trying to get freaky on a friday night or anything like that. We're just ordinary projections of your subconscious. Just carry on and pretend we don't exist because we’re literally fighting fucking fictional characters."

"EXCUSE ME," growled Pico, "I'M TRYING TO BE SUPER CREEPY RIGHT NOW. YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE SPOOKY MONTH ATMOSPHERE!" He then proceeded to do the Spooky Dance (™).

But it was too late. I realized that Pico had no power over me. It was all just a dream. And when you know you're dreaming... you can take the dream in any direction you want.

With a sly chuckle, I snapped my fingers, and Pico turned into a bag of french fries. I then took off in flight like Superman and went on all sorts of zany psychedelic dream adventures full of sunshine, lollipops, rainbows and shapeshifting aliens; an elderly underworld ruler who believed in literal blind justice; a cult of people who were accidentally worshiping these shapeshifting aliens; a ghost version of the goth punks arguing over whose of the Pico trio they would haunt first; some mischievous überkids who were backing up the Newgrounds servers; and a Newgrounds Store that had every single Newgrounds shirt and stickers, including those that don't even exist (Lost Media real?!?!?!!1!!!), but always smelled musty for some reason. Everything was fucking awesome.

And off in some corner of the dreamscape, a lonely bag of french fries screamed, "CURSE YOU, TOM FULP!"

I woke up from my nap several hours later. "Wow," I thought aloud, "that was pointless." Then, like nothing ever happened, I got off the couch, returned to the computer, and continued playing Pico.swf.

Just like he appeared in my dream, Otis was depressed, desaturated, using black and grey clothes instead of his iconic blue and blue one and crying BLOOD. He was no longer playable either. I could tell that there was a predictable pattern forming, but since I was bored and had nothing better to do, I decided to select the final playable character: Cassandra. As I expected, clicking the red arrow caused Pico to rap and the screen to cut to black for about 9.79035834961 seconds. The destination this time was The Penilian UFO.

Cassandra spawned at the center of the UFO. The ship appeared to be on the verge of collapse and did not look very well-maintained compared to its normal appearance. It was also covered with dead penilians and BLOOD. Alien Hominid was horribly maimed and lying in a pool of BLOOD, but by this point I was so used to seeing this sort of imagery that I was completely desensitized because I wasn’t a pussy like Tom or the Blood Whistle protagonist. The background music was played at 50% speed and in reverse, and just like in Darnell’s level, it was a Ace Attorney music, which by now was nothing new, but it really made me feel like I was playing a Danganronpa game. Essentially, anything that might have been mildly unnerving in the first five minutes was now just boring and rehashed formula.

As I expected, it was Pico who stood where Damien normally would stand, offering a quest. This time, although Pico was still grinning and still had BLOOD dripping from his eyes, his demeanor seemed a little angrier than before. I guess he wanted revenge for being turned into a bag of french fries in my dream. When I interacted with him, his quest text simply said, "YOU CANNOT BLAM ME."

The quest was to go to the control panel of the UFO and activate the laser beam. Based on his dialogue, I half-expected that he would try to blam me, but even after accepting the quest, Pico just stood idly in place, so I left him behind at the center of the UFO.

From experience, I knew that the red path is the fastest, so I took that. Unfortunately, the game started lagging, causing me to fall through the elevator and get high with Convict several times, which was really annoying but at least it didn't lead to an instant kill like it did for Darnell. On my fourth try, I managed to ride the elevator without falling through and used a key to open the control panel door.

At first, the control panel was unoccupied, and I thought I might actually complete this quest for once. But less than 0.4938673957123 seconds before I reached the control panel, Pico's face flashed on-screen again, and in that instant he teleported to the control panel. Cassandra was too slow and was blammed. As a consequence for her failure, Cassandra was blammed, and her limbs fell to the floor in a pool of blood.

I was perplexed. "Uh... really? Cassandra dies because she got blammed? That... has to be the lamest, unrealistic and cheapest death so far. Why couldn’t Pico just blow off her pingas?"

The altered "Fuck!" screen with BLOOD appeared, as expected. Cassandra was the unfortunate subject depicted, as expected. The screen cut to black, as expected.

"Okay, can we get just get this over with?" I grumbled, tired of the pattern by this point. Were there no more surprises? Just rehashing the same shitty and lazy tricks over and over? I remember Tom telling me about this before a bloody sanic plushie killed him in cold blood.

Then, after a loose estimate of 15 seconds and some miliseconds (I’m great at counting), the screen changed to a most unpleasant image…

The image showed a hyper-realistic version of Pico standing in the void of the Portal. It was so hyper-realistic, you could make out every wrinkle on his skin and every crease and fold on his green shirt. On the proportions of a Newgrounds character, this hyper-realism fell straight into the territory of uncanny valley… like Mr. Incredible. Maybe this was the reincarnation of the meme.

And his face…

His wide, empty, pitch-black hyper-realistic eyes, with hyper-realistic BLOOD gushing from them, were staring right at me, right through the fourth wall of the game. He grinned like a hyper-realistic psychotic murderer, with the edges of his hyper-realistic lips stretching past his hyper-realistic skull and revealing crooked hyper-realistic teeth resting in a hyper-realistic void of black emptiness, and his hyper-realistic teeth were freshly caked with hyper-realistic BLOOD.

I could do nothing but stare at this gruesome image for approximately 30 seconds and a shitload of milliseconds (again, I’m great at math, not to brag or anything, but I can’t get out of school : (((((). Then, as Pico’s rap echoed in the background, horrible and demonic, text appeared super-imposed on this image…

"I AM PICO."

I was too shocked to speak and simply stared at this message in horror. Just like my cousin Tom told me to do so in case I end up being the main protagonist of a shitty creepypasta.

Only now did I realize... what a complete and utter waste of time this was. I WASN’T a pussy like my cousins were before the creepypasta purge killed them.

And as soon as I found my voice, I made sure Pico knew it. "Really? Really? YOU ARE PICO? Gee, I would have never have guessed! Thanks, Captain John Obvious Jr., you saved the day! What was the point of this? I just wasted all this time and sat through all that BLOOD just so Pico or this crappy entity who’s taking his form could go on a quest of self-discovery? Maybe you should've said 'I AM BLOOD' instead; now that would have made more sense given this game's obsession with BLOOD! Man, this was stupid! What was I thinking? What a load of Blams! That's it, I've had it! I'm going to smash this CD into pieces so that you can change this message to 'I AM DEAD' and that won't be a big surprise either! That’ll show Tom and my other stupid fucking cousin! I’m NOT a pussy!"

I was kicked back to the character select screen by the time I was finished ranting, though I could have sworn that Pico’s expression turned rather disgruntled just before the screen change. Cassandra now joined the other characters in being desaturated, using black and gray clothing and crying BLOOD, but I thought that, this time, they looked more mildly annoyed rather than depressed, as though they too were incredulous of the utter stupidity of this game.

Then, it turned out that I didn't need to shut the game off myself, because my computer spontaneously shut off on its own. I couldn't turn it back on, so I started muttering curses under my breath because now I'm pretty sure that this game was so bad that it broke my computer. THAT’S how shit it was. I want my money back!11!1!1!!11

I turned around and pulled out my cell phone to call the local computer repair shop. Then, I heard a voice right behind me, barely louder than a whisper…

"EVERYTHING, BY EVERYONE..."

I turned around again to see where the voice came from, and what I saw... sitting on my computer desk... staring right at me... was a Pico plush, smiling with BLOOD under its eyes. And he was also accompanied by a Cassandra and Convict plush in the same state as the Pico plush… who were doing with a plush version of my mom!!11!!!111!!!111

I'm just imagining how much money I could make by auctioning it off of eBay. I mean the protagonist of NES Godzilla did it, so… whynaut?

The End!!!!11!111!!1!